012 - Letter to The Mask Maker

Dear Mr. Mask Maker,

How are you? I hope your masks have kept you out of harm.

I am safely perched on my top floor apartment. My building happens to be the shortest high-rise on my street, so you should consider my observation most valid and factual. People on the road are not wearing masks anymore.

My street is also windy, so I am afraid the virus might fly in through the window. I have not opened them since last week hence. But rest assured, it doesn’t affect my vision, my observation is thorough. The other day I also saw the lady who lives in the building right across mine cross the road and buy mangoes from the vendor who has parked his cart outside of mine. She didn’t wear a mask, and she always wore a mask before. She even picked up a mango and smelt it. Do not worry, I don’t eat mangoes after June so I am safe. The fruit vendor thankfully has worn your mask; it dangles by his neck all the time, you’ve got him covered don’t worry (he also doesn’t pick and smell his fruits, his self assurance on this matter makes me want to buy his fruits).

Maker of Masks, people are abandoning your masks. And my observations have led me to conclude - your mask business needs a leg up.

O Masko, my mother would wear your masks if you would only make them fashionable. I assure you it is a reasonable investment. Even CNN mentioned, as respectable journals on matters of geo politics and women leaders should, on the topic of Scotland’s independence from the UK, that the mask of the Scot’s First Minister has become a sartorial rage. Maybe it is because of Brexit but she doesn’t feature on which European leader wore it best. Luxemburg is on top but I personally prefer the Italian one, although it is not very different from Greece or America. You should definitely add some style quotient, make them worth the runway.

As you can see Mask Lauren, that the world is watching, and by and large everyone’s masks are uninspiring. You should definitely take the game to the next level. I have some ideas -

Before you begin changing your masks, you need to tackle visibility. Your masks are just not seen (at least I haven’t off late, I just peered into the folks running in the park beside my house, no mask is given, wait there is one, have they all delegated it to her? There is a community spread of herd stupidity let me tell you Dr. Mask). But let’s not lose sight of what’s important. After reading An influencer wearing an “all platforms matter” t-shirt steadies her iphone for a facebook message to her 3.4m followers just the other day, I am convinced you should do a live stream, preferably on the weekend when everyone else is as well.

I saw this Kickstarter campaign for a mask in a cap. That’s rad. But how will they wash it Maskimus? You should do something rad as well. Rethink the mask game. How about adding a VR screen to yours? I looked up this podcast series on BBC, they are rethinking everything, but have sadly left out masks. I’ll keep an eye out for you there though. But something tells me you’re not the listening type. If you were a listener, I could have suggested you make a mask with earphones attached to the mask’s straps. And then I could have listened to this interview of Zakir Hussain safely with my mask on. But we are late for that. Speaking of Zakir, Maskinator, he’s damn funny and it’s been long since I last saw him in an ad. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Waah Mask! Anyway, if you skip the series then skip to just read ‘Bullshit Jobs’ by David Graeber who is rethinking jobs. You have one, I have none, we both need it.

But because I don’t have one, I’m left with a lot of time Maskarino. I read Lydia Davis’ collection of short stories again. Her stories are so short you could consider printing them out on your masks! I wrote one of hers down the day before. It’s called the story of stolen salamis. You should read that. Or you could read the case of the missing sunflower head. I am fine with that.

I in fact got the idea to write to you after reading her book. Oh don’t bother checking your mail, she didn’t write you one.

Mask Majors, I hope this letter will find you in good health. And if you find all of this too much to ask of your simple masks, don’t worry, perfection is overrated.

Thanking you!

M. Maskambath

PS: My sister asks if you can get a mask done like this Geisha she saw here.

PSPS: How do you know your mask is effective?